Nanaimo Mayor Leonard Krog along with new North North Nanaimo council representative Mark Swain announce the sale of the District to Nanaimo at a recent event. (NanaimoNewsNOW)

By NanaimoNewsNOW Staff

DONE DEAL

Major developments planned for new ‘North North Nanaimo’ suburb as City purchases Lantzville

Apr 1, 2022 | 5:32 AM

Editor’s Note: April Fools! We’ve had our fun and don’t want anybody in the days and weeks to come, outside the context of April 1, to think the information contained in this article is even remotely accurate. NanaimoNewsNOW thanks the residents and local governments of Nanaimo and Lantzville for their good humour.

NANAIMO — The City of Nanaimo has made a significant land purchase in a bid to provide more space for development and housing density.

Through a token $1 purchase payment, the City of Nanaimo has acquired 27.68 square kilometres of land previously incorporated as the District of Lantzville. The new space will be officially re-christened “North North Nanaimo” at an upcoming ceremony.

Nanaimo mayor Leonard Krog exclusively told NanaimoNewsNOW extending Nanaimo’s long and narrow footprint a little further north makes lots of sense.

“With the Sandstone project proceeding in south Nanaimo, we felt a similar expansion to north Nanaimo was only fair. By purchasing the District of Lantzville, we’re making the best city in the world to live in, just a little bit bigger and better.”

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Development and density surge expected
A substantial urban node is expected to drastically ramp up housing density plans already envisioned for North North Nanaimo, with the goal of tripling the former Lantzville’s population in the next ten years.

Several luxurious sky-scraping condos “are in the discussion stage” for Lantzville’s existing downtown core according to Krog, which will help create a more financially sustainable and livable community.

The condos, topping 20 storeys, are seen as a critical step in providing additional housing options in North North Nanaimo and freeing up badly needed stock elsewhere.

“We’ve heard loud and clear from the good residents of Nanaimo that more housing is needed and we’re excited to play our part in make those calls a reality,” Krog added. “We want to thank Lantzville for being great neighbours all these years and we’re excited to welcome you to our fair city.”

The towers will be accompanied by ground-level retail and other commercial space to rejuvenate the existing quaint village core.

An animation featuring an artists rendering of the new North North Nanaimo, including several large-scale high rise condo buildings overlooking the Salish Sea. (NanaimoNewsNOW Animation)

Additional community resources
As Lantzville transitions to North North Nanaimo, the community will be tasked with working alongside provincial partners to create multiple supportive housing initiatives.

Concerns regarding rising crime will be aided by public safety initiatives as North North Nanaimo’s population explodes in the coming years.

Nanaimo RCMP bike patrol officers will have a presence on the planned expansive bike lane network earmarked for the area, while a community policing office staffed by volunteers is promised in North North Nanaimo.

The mid-Island region, starved for large scale attractions for locals and tourists to flock to, will see Lantzville entrepreneur Stan Pottie use his collection of life-sized replica dinosaurs in a full-sized theme park. Senior government funding has been secured for the endeavour.

The park, to be established in a yet to be determined location, will include a roller coaster and water slides.

A projected design of a new theme park and tourist attraction in North North Nanaimo. (NanaimoNewsNOW Illustration)

Active transportation hub
The acquisition of Lantzville enables the City to expand its active transportation network, including the overhaul of streets in North North Nanaimo to favour bike lanes.

The entirety of Lantzville Rd. will be transformed into non-vehicular usage with bi-directional bike lanes, while much-desired sidewalks on both sides of the road will be installed.

“Whenever I would drive through Lantzville for pleasure with my family during our weekend Island road trips, we would remark at how many noisy vehicles there were on Lantzville Rd. burning gasoline and harming the environment. That’s when it came to me: no roads equals no vehicles,” Krog said.

Work to drastically alter Lantzville Rd. will start this summer, involving painting the entire road green, Krog said.

“I trust motorists will respect that, we’ll put in concrete dividers to physically restrict vehicles from using the bike lanes if it comes to that.”

Installing raised sidewalks along other existing roads throughout the community formally known as Lantzville are pledged, but only after sidewalks for Nanaimo’s entire Harewood neighbourhood come to fruition.

North North Nanaimo’s approximately 3,800 residents and 1,500 private properties will also join the Nanaimo tax base, providing a much-needed boost to revenue for the City.

Lantzville Mayor Mark Swain will become the tenth member of Nanaimo City Council while the remaining four former District of Lantzville councillors will form an advisory panel reporting to the City on issues pertaining to the new suburb.

“This is the next step in the evolution of Lantzville, I mean North North Nanaimo,” Swain said. “We’re confident our citizens will embrace this change, embrace the future of this area and embrace being Nanaimoites.”

Editors Note: April Fools! This article is entirely fictional and any quotes or facts contained are fabricated and for entertainment purposes only. NanaimoNewsNOW felt after two years of a pandemic, stress and frustration, some much needed light entertainment would be appropriate for April Fools Day 2022. This article is literally fake news.

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