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Intimacy Matters – If you are in a committed relationship, read this!

Aug 3, 2011 | 9:04 AM

Contributed by Stephanie Staples at Your Life Unlimited

Intimacy Matters

Are you in a committed relationship?  If so, then intimacy likely matters to you – if not, it probably should!

Stepping waaaaay out of my comfort zone, I recently interviewed Dr.Trina Read – sexologist.  Dr. Trina is the author of ‘Til Sex Do Us Part – Make your Married Sex Irresistable and this woman is on a mission to help couples create meaningful and fun sex long after the newness of being together has worn off.

I had to think about this topic for a while before I took the plunge to write and speak about it, is this really a Your Life, Unlimited topic?

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Yes, was the answer I came up with after quite some deliberation.  If we are satisfied with our sex lives, we are more likely to be satisfied with our personal lives, whereas if we are dissatisfied, it trickles down to other areas of our lives, as well.  Your Life, Unlimited is about living your best in all areas of life.

So I held my breath and dove headfirst into the book and the interview.

Dr.Tina writes in a language that is neither too clinical, nor too condescending, she is writing like she is your buddy and for this I am grateful – it makes this difficult topic a lot easier to handle!

One thing I found particularity interesting is that there are many biological reasons for some of the ways we feel about sex.  For example, if you don’t have sex for a long period of time, your body’s need for it lessons, conversely the more your have sex – the more your body craves it.

One idea that may make you cringe at first is ‘planned spontaneity.’  Yes, scheduling time to be intimate with your partner.  Studies show that those who plan sex have better and more frequent sex because it sets your brain up, builds anticipation, and is not a surprise at the end of the day.  Scheduling, says the good doc, is taking a pro-active stance with your sex life instead of always being reactive.  Perpare though for the first number of times to be awjward-ish, but don’t give up until you have given it a fair chance (she recommends 6 months).

Here are some more Dr. Trina tips:

1. Commit to 10 minutes of ‘connecting time’ per day – just to talk, appreciate each other, and say nice things.
2. Use non-sexual touch outside the bedroom, get used to spontaneous hugs, hand holding, knee squeezing, think back to your new couple days!
3. Do something different in the bedroom – it is too easy to fall into predictable sex patterns, which leads to boredom.
4. Write a wish list and exchange it with your partner. Easier than talking about it, writing it down is a gentler first step.  You may be pleasantly surprised with what your spouse is interested in trying.
5. Take the seven day sex challenge -that’s seven days in a row!
6. Celebrate with sex.  Equate good news with good sex.

For more info or to get the book, please visit www.tilsexdouspart.com, you’ll be glad you did.
I am doubtful you are even going to get this email, as it has probably been shut down by the spam filters for all the  three letter words in this article, but if you do recieve it I hope it provides some fodder for discussion with the one you love! 

Good luck!

Steph 

The post Intimacy Matters – If you are in a committed relationship, read this! first appeared on Your Life Unlimited.

Contributed by Stephanie Staples at Your Life Unlimited